Buon lunedì, prodi seguaci!👓
A dispetto del caldo che ha iniziato a rallentare le mie attività intellettive, sto leggendo con molto piacere Sounds Fake but Okay di Sarah Costello e Kayla Kaszyca: un titolo che potrebbe sembrarvi familiare perché le autrici tengono un podcast piuttosto famoso e omonimo su asessualità e aromanticismo.
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My point is merely that the habitual prioritization of relationships with other coupled friends over single friends is yet another example of our social order asserting the apparently automatic supremacy of romantic-sexual relationships. Of its assertion that if maintaining platonic relationships gets too hard – if your lives don’t look enough like each other’s or fit together like perfect puzzle pieces – well, maybe those platonic relationships just aren’t worth it.
And that’s really what takes root at the stem of this fear, which I found to be rather prevalent among the other aromantics of the world. That once out friends find their “person”, their long-term romantic-sexual partner(s), we will be left in the dust. That we will be demoted to a second-tier relationship, where, if it gets too hard to make time or meet up, if life gets in the way, we will be deprioritized further and further until we are abandoned altogether.
For those of us who don’t anticipate ever having a life partner of our own, we fear that we will live and die in that second tier. That we will never be anyone’s priority. That we will miss out on a certain level of intimacy and love in our life, not because of our identity, but because the people around us seem unable to grasp that platonic relationships might be worth prioritizing, too.
[…]
Although intentionally wearing my aspec glasses can help temporarily deprogram my socially ingrained, heteronormative defaults and reorient me in the world, there are also certain aspects of the aspec lens that I cannot take off even if I try. Maybe for you, dear reader, the conceot of such a deep fear of platonic abandonment feels all very detached, an objectively understood but not lived concern. But for me, it is my life. It lingers even if I’ve taken my aspec glasses off for the day.
And it’s not just me, or just aros, or even just aspec more broadly. There are plenty of allos who grapple with this fear as well, whether it’s because they’re divorced or chronically anxious or just burned by love.
It’s almost as if we would all benefit from a society that not just tolerate but encourages robust platonic bonds and support systems.
Huh. Weird.
‘Somehow, over time, we forgot that the rituals behind dating and sex were constructs made up by human beings and eventually, they became hard and fast rules that society imposed on us all.’
True Love. Third Wheels. Dick pics. ‘Dying alone’. Who decided this was normal?
Sarah and Kayla invite you to put on your purple aspec glasses – and rethink everything you thought you knew about society, friendship, sex, romance and more.
Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex – when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.
Spanning the whole range of relationships we have in our lives – to family, friends, lovers, society, our gender, and ourselves, this book asks you to let your imagination roam, and think again what human connection really is.
Includes exclusive ‘Sounds Fake But Okay’ podcast episodes.
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